Will Lino be able to resist this?

Word comes this morning from Gus Lloyd on Seize The Day that he hurt his ankle running yesterday.

Again.

For the fourth time in 3½ years.

On the exact same trail as his three previous ankle injuries.

He just can't catch a break, can he?

Normally this would be the kind of thing that Lino would absolutely pounce on during his show. But wait a minute… today is Friday. Lino's Lenten obligation forces him to be nice to Gus today. Can he do it, or will today's show be another example of damning with faint praise?

UPDATE (4:30pm): Lino manages to keep to the letter of his Lenten obligation (but not necessarily the spirit of it) by asking his callers to do his dirty work for him.

Playing fast and loose with the clock

On last Friday's installment of Who's More Catholic?, controversy erupted about halfway through when Lino accused Jared of running a shorter clock than Lou usually does. Since Lou always ran the clock up until Friday's show I never had a reason to question that the time given to write a connection was exactly 30 seconds because the music always ended at the same point. But I knew something wasn't right after the first round when the Mario Brothers music ended just a bit sooner than it usually does.

We here at Lino Watch certainly can't let something like that go unchecked. So I timed the music for each round of Friday's contest, from the beginning of the music to the point where Jared called time:

• Round 1 (helicopter): 38 seconds
  
• Round 2 (blender): 42 seconds
  
• Round 3 (echo): 43 seconds
  
• Round 4 (chopping food): 37 seconds
  
• Round 5 (spray paint): 41 seconds
  
• Round 6 (maracas): 40 seconds
  
• Round 7 (sweeping): 37 seconds

• Average for all rounds: 39.7 seconds
• Range (difference between highest & lowest): 6 seconds
  

So with an average round time of nearly 40 seconds, was Jared cheating Lino and Father Jim? Well, as a comparison I also timed the seven rounds from the prior week's contest (when Lou ran the clock):

• Round 1 (chalkboard): 50 seconds
  
• Round 2 (cowbell): 42 seconds
  
• Round 3 (ice cream truck): 46 seconds
  
• Round 4 (jumping rope): 44 seconds
  
• Round 5 (leaky faucet): 50 seconds
  
• Round 6 (shooting pool): 52 seconds
  
• Round 7 (orchestra): 41 seconds

• Average of all rounds: 46.4 seconds
• Range (difference between highest & lowest): 11 seconds

So to be fair to Jared, he did run the clock shorter than Lou, but ended up timing each round more accurately because it's Lou who really plays fast and loose with the clock. Of course after looking at the stats of the past two games, the word "accurate" hardly describes either one of these guys.

Since honesty seems to be a critical trait to Lino in playing Who's More Catholic?, it would seem necessary to fix this. I have two suggestions:

1. Officially change the round time from 30 to 45 seconds (to be consistent with how the game is really being timed), or
   
2. Enforce the 30 second rule.

I heartily endorse the second option, as it would give both contestants a lot less time to come up with something than they've had. That would be a treat to listen to.

Very Stupid Chicken

Guaranteed to shatter your eardrums, here is Lino's newest Mock 'n' Roll Friday classic, "Very Stupid Chicken", for your listening convenience. I've even included the lyrics at the bottom so that you can sing along! Lino actually sang the song twice; this recording is from his first performance at the end of the first hour. I decided to go with this version because Lino sounds even screechier here than during his second try at the end of the show (if that's even possible).

Very stupid chicken, always temptin' me.
Very stupid chicken, I won't hear your plea.
Oh you are so tasty, in a tortilla shell.
But if I eat you now, I risk going to hell.

I can't eat you on a Friday in Lent,
And I suffer,
Stupid chicken ain't the way.

Very stupid chicken, much better than ham.
Good folks at Chipotle, put you in my hands.
Keep me full of protein, it's for you I long,
And the MINTest chicken, is the one in this song.

I can't eat meat on a Friday in Lent,
And I suffer,
Stupid chicken ain't the way.

Very stupid chicken, you know it's Friday.
Very stupid chicken, the devil's on his way.
How I want to eat you, in a burrito.
Oh, you are so temptin', but I must say no.

I won't eat meat on a Friday in Lent,
And I suffer,
Stupid chicken ain't the way.

¡En Fuego!

I normally don't make fun of our pal Gus Lloyd… he's a good guy and he gets too much of it from Lino and friends as it is. But this clip from today's Seize The Day is just too good to pass up. Gus is discussing one of his upcoming guests: a former Episcopal bishop who converted to Catholicism. It's his second such guest this week, and Gus is just beside himself with awe…

Say what you want about Gus, but you've gotta admit that he's En Fuego for his program and for the Faith.