Lino's Roast: The Lost Minutes

Craving to hear the 11 minutes of yesterday's roast that got cut off by Notre Dame Basketball? Can't wait for this afternoon's rebroadcast, or won't be around for it at all? No problem! We at Lino Watch have done you the courtesy of posting the audio of those final minutes below. We backed up a little bit and started at the beginning of Father Rob Keighron's turn at the mike. So sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Who's the real Vay-Kay Villain here?

We ran across this gem on the LinoFans Facebook page:

Gus Lloyd cut a promo for TCC bragging that he's on vacation and begging people to listen to his re-runs. Jerk chicken! - Dan @ LinoFans

Jerk chicken, huh? Well, let's see if we have this straight. Lino took or will take the following vacations in 2009 (not including jury duty or the random day or two off):

• A week in mid-February (Bahamas)
• A week at the end of April (Italy)
• A week near the middle of July (fishing in Minnesota and Canada)
• Three days at the end of August (retreat in Minnesota)
• A week at the end of October (Italy)
• From Christmas Eve through the end of the next week
  

Total: 30 days, four of which will fall on a holiday (which in this scenario means a day with no live hosts for ANY show on TCC), which in essence means he took 26 days off in 2009. Gus, on the other hand, took:

• Thanksgiving week
  
• The last two weeks in December

Total: 15 days. And of those 15 days, about five or so of them fell/will fall on holidays. So really he took 10 days off that weren't holiday-related.

So Gus takes no vacation during the first 10½ months of the year and gets badmouthed for taking off the last two weeks and letting his listeners know about it, while Lino takes nearly the same time off around Christmas, already took more than twice as much vacation throughout the rest of the year, and subjected us to a lot of "best-ofs" that still needed more time in the bottle to ferment.

Jerk chicken, indeed.

Lino announces preliminary info on Italy Pilgrimage 2010

UPDATE 12/23: Full details of the trip, including itinerary, are now available at The Catholic Traveler website.

Today on his Facebook page, Lino announced preliminary information about the previously announced pilgrimage to Italy to test response from his fans. Here's what he posted:

• Dates: July 9-17, 2010.


• Sites: Rome, Florence, & Assisi.


• Who's coming with: The Catholic Guy Crew.


• Approximate cost: $2,499.

Reprise: You mock my show and I'll mock yours

We have just enough time remaining before Christmas to re-run two audio gems we posted last year involving Lino and his arch-nemesis, Gus Lloyd. Gus takes it on the chin from Lino on an almost everyday basis, yet is a big believer in Matthew 5:39... "But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on (your) right cheek, turn the other one to him as well." In other words: he usually ignores Lino.

Usually. But while Lino was in Rome last year for the 2nd anniversary of TCGS, Gus decided that it was the perfect opportunity to strike a blow for justice. The result? The Catholic Guy Who Stole Christmas...

Upon his return to New York, Lino swore swift retribution upon Gus. "Swift" was a relative term, as it took three days to come up with it, but what he came up with makes Bob Dylan's Christmas In The Heart sound like a Bing Crosby special:

Gus has wasted no good opportunity this year replaying his song on Seize The Day. Lino's parody on TCGS? Nothing... and we wonder why. We thought that maybe it would have something to do with the mention of names of former TCGS crew members in one of the songs. But that's childish... and we all know that Lino would never act childishly.

We're th1s many!

December 16, 2008... a date which will live in infamy. Why? We started writing about all things Lino.

Fast-forward 365 days. We're still here. We just spent our last ten bucks renewing linorulli.net for another year. We're astounded, the public is incredulous, and Lino's having severe stomach pains. Coincidence? We don't think so.

So on our first anniversary, we thought we'd take a look back at our first post and compare where we intended to go then with where we're going now. Last year's post is in yellow, our comments follow in white:

What this blog is:

• A forum for expressing our thoughts on Lino Rulli and The Catholic Guy Show as we see them.

  As the poster behind George W. Bush so prematurely proudly declared: Mission Accomplished. While we don't post as often as we would like (or as seldom as Lino would prefer), 96 posts in the past year ain't bad.
  

• A means of poking a little fun at Lino when we think it's deserved... which is often.

  In all honesty, we had imagined us poking fun at Lino a lot more often than we did. Looking back at our posts for the past year, we think we had a pretty decent blend of praise, mocking and criticism of Lino... going from more mocking a year ago to more supportive now. Of course, who out there ever would've foreseen the events of August and September.
  

• A place to remember classic Lino moments, especially from the older shows with Maureen and Tom that Lino has quietly buried.

  Except for our Twelve Ten Days of Lino series we wrote during last year's Christmas season, we never really did this. In fact, when Lino discussed our first post on his show back in January, he mocked us for this particular point and proclaimed (paraphrasing) that Tom and Maureen were part of the past. Then Maureen came back-to-the-future in September, and the past is now re-lived on a daily basis. We still miss Tom, though, and hope that his head has not fallen out of the Earth's orbit yet.
  

What this blog is not:

• A competitor to CatholicGuyShow.com and the Unofficial Lino Rulli Fan Club. That site certainly has its place and we're an eager reader of it. We see this site as a complement to it... posting thoughts that don't always toe the line of the die-hard Lino fans.

  First off, our tone last year was just too harsh. They're good people who have a great site, the show's unofficial sanction, and are doing their best to keep a positive tone. And that's good because the gist of our statement is still true: we're not competitors, but our sites complement each other in an odd sort of way. Plus, their positive outlook should in no way should infer that we're the place that's going to bash Lino day in and day out. It just means that we're going to call things as we see them, positive or not.
  

• A mouthpiece for Gus Lloyd. Gus doesn't maintain this blog (he has his own, after all), and we're not a shill for him. But we're as much of a fan of his "dog and pony show" as we are The Catholic Guy, and we think that Lino and his pack take the Gus-bashing a little too far sometimes, even if it might be in jest. We're more than happy to poke a little fun back.

  If we're a mouthpiece for Gus Lloyd, then our mouth needs to be washed out with soap. We've done at least half-a-dozen posts over the past year that didn't portray Gus in the most flattering light... from his back going out again to his impromptu use of Spanish on the air to his mocking of televangelists. Yeah, we made an audio slideshow out of The Catholic Guy Who Stole Christmas, but just like Fox News we were Fair and Balanced™ by doing the same for Lino's Catholic Guy Christmas "album" that mocked him right back.
  

• A resurgence of the Catholic Taliban's defunct blog. We're not that orthodox.

  If you don't remember this blog, you never will: what was once merely defunct is now extinct. However, the site's domain name (catholictaliban.org) is available for purchase if the Spirit so moves you.
  

Our final comment:

Will it last? We don't know... only time will tell. But we'll give it our best shot.

Well, so far it's lasted a year... and a heckuva year it's been. Will we make it to our second birthday? Our third? As we said last year, only time will tell. But we gave it our best shot last year, and we'll do the same again.

Now that the review of our first post is over, here are some things to look forward to in the coming weeks:

• A minor site refresh, whose primary goal is to add another column for posting stuff. We know... we said way back when that this was coming out today, but it just hasn't worked out. Our new goal is to get the refreshed site posted by the end of 2009, but we're not making any promises.
• The extra space in the new design will allow us to post a few new evergreen items that you won't have to scroll down to see. Nothing earth-shattering, but it'll certainly enhance the site a bit. Look for these at the same time as or shortly after the site refresh.
• Like almost every other site at this time of year, we'll be doing a series of posts tentatively titled "Lino's Top Ten for 2009". It is what it says: a look at the Top 10 Lino moments in the past year. And there's no shortage of moments to choose from. These will come out while Lino's on vacation later this month.
• We'll also do a feature on Lino Watch's Best & Worst, highlighting the stuff we're proud of and the stuff we wished had never seen the light of day. That, too, will come out sometime before Lino returns to the air in January.
• There'll be one other surprise that'll make it easier for the public to reach our site... that'll come out sometime after Christmas.

To all Lino Watch fans and foes: thank you for reading our drivel for the past year. We may not like Lino as much as the other guys, but we wouldn't be doing this if we didn't like him at all. Onward to 2010!

Week 14 football picks recap: The last shall be first and the first shall be last

(MNF updates in yellow)

This was an interesting week... lots of correct picks and few wrong ones, neither of which came from the people you expected. So let's start off with the poor saps in this week's loser's bracket:

LOU: We admire people who pick with true conviction, and that's especially true for people who specifically choose against Lino's Vikings to make a point. And had it not been for that pick, Lou would be in a four-way tie for the win. It's painful to label Lou a loser this week because he really doesn't deserve it.

FR. ROB KEIGHRON: The other loser this week, on the other hand, deserved everything almost everything he had coming. Why? Primarily because he picked a Steelers team that had lost 4 straight games, three of them to teams without winning records. He also picked his beloved Giants over the Eagles, and while loyalty is admirable it doesn't guarantee a win. (Just ask Lou about his picks for the Cowboys this season.) Even the pick that should've panned out didn't, as Arizona committed seven turnovers against the 49ers. There was so much talk during the Vegas trip about Fr. Rob's "system" for gambling: he still has the best overall picks record for this season, but if he indeed has a system for making his football picks it sure as hell failed him this week.

So that leaves for the tiebreaker:

MAUREEN: Whoa, dude! 0-for-3 last week, 3-for-3 this week. The boys snicker at you each week when you make your picks. This oughta shut 'em up... at least for a few minutes.

MARK HART: At the very least he owes Brett Siddell from The Busted Halo Show a beer for making his picks for him.

LINO: He finally has a chance to end his seven-week losing streak. We're now taking bets on whether or not he does so by declaring himself the tiebreak winner on Thursday.

One more game on Monday night to see if Fr. Rob can save some face or totally embarass himself, and then it's off to Thursday!

UPDATE @ 11:50pm ET: Fr. Rob's shame is complete, as Arizona commits seven turnovers and goes down in flames to the 49ers, giving him his first 0-for-3 week this season.

Ode to a Catholic Guy T-Shirt

Remember when we posted that Lino had put his Catholic Guy T-shirts on sale on his website? Well, who are we not to go and order one for ourselves! And this past Saturday it arrived in the mailbox of Lino Watch World Headquarters & Karaoke Bar. To celebrate this momentus event, we have been inspired to compose a poem in the style of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas. We hope you enjoy it!

'Twas three weeks before Christmas at Lino Watch HQ
And our radio was tuned to Sirius 2.

Holiday Classics blared through the halls,
As staff members bounced new ideas off the walls.

"A contest… the winner with money we'll thank!"
"Nice, but we have just ten bucks in the bank."

"How 'bout a poll? Polls are so where it's at!"
"Nah, the CatholicGuyShow folks already do that."

When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from our desks to see what was the matter.

Outside the mailman was hard at work,
Stuffing our 'box full of junk… what a jerk!

But before we could run out and chase him away,
To the next place he drove in his rear-wheel-drive sleigh.

We opened our mailbox: bills, bills, and more bills.
The amounts that we owed gave us all tingly chills.

But then we spied out of the corner of our eye,
A label that read "Sirius XM… Catholic Guy"

Quickly we began to dance and to twirl,
And to giggle and smile like a four-year-old girl!

For what to our wondering eyes should appear?
Oh, we knew… our Catholic Guy T-shirt was here!

"C'mon, guys! The brisk air is starting to sting!
Let's all rush inside and rip open this thing!"

"To the top of the porch! To the front of the hall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

Once out of the cold we examined our prize.
That white envelope was a sight for sore eyes.

We looked at the postage and emitted a gasp:
"They mailed this on Tuesday… boy, that was fast!"

We were certain that it would be two months or more!
Perhaps mailing is not Maureen's job anymore.

It cost $3.71 for handling and shipping,
"But we paid just ten bucks!", our staff started quipping.

Lino's so clever: "We paid $9.99,
but he made sure the postage was on Sirius' dime!"

We then read the label and declared very truly:
"That chickenscratch HAS to be written by Rulli!"

"Enough with the outside… let's see the shirt!
Or somebody here will soon get real hurt!"

The package ripped open, taking great care to handle,
There it was… purple as an advent candle.

We examined the front, the words fit for a plaque:
On one day, "I'm leaving!", and the next day "I'm back!"

Just like Brett Favre did in NFL lore.
And that's why the back has a big number "4".

Then one of us noticed, "Hey, that's really strange.
The front of his shirt has the wrong date range!"

"He announced his decision to leave on a Monday,
But August 16th was in fact, a Sunday!"

"Calm down!" we all shouted as his temper got hot.
"Don't twist your underwear all in a knot!"

"Why worry that the dates are off by one day?
We need to be grateful… he decided to stay."

"Besides, no one's perfect… not even Lino.
Not even Gus Lloyd or Rob Astorino!"

And with that, calm re-entered our dwelling,
as staff member hearts with pride started swelling.

Sinful, we know… but we couldn't resist.
The t-shirt was ours, it was now in our midst.

Because it has short sleeves, we won't wear it now.
So we'll find a way to display it somehow.

Come glorious springtime we'll wear it all places,
So people can stare, get weird looks on their faces.

We'll politely respond with a genuine grin,
And say, "It's a great show… why don't you tune in?"

"Sirius 159 is the channel.
Just punch it in on your radio panel!"

No Sirius, you say? Try 117!
That number should work on your XM machine!"

"And if you have neither, try it online for free!
You'll get not one day, or two days, but three!"

So the t-shirt now hangs at a humble workstation,
Giving our staffers new-found inspiration.

To write about Lino, his show, and his crew,
Especially the good, but the not-good stuff, too.

Not to be mean or vindictive or cruel,
But as a reminder of The Golden Rule.

And thus ends this ode… we've plain run out of room!
Besides, we have duties that we now must resume.

From the Lino Watch staff: "Merry Christmas!" and such.
Where we always like Lino… just not as much!

Week 13 football picks recap:the after-Vegas bloodbath

When the crew of TCGS left Vegas on Sunday, you can be certain that Lady Luck wasn't on the flight home. How do we know this? Check out the sea of teams in the right column that are lit up in red: nine picks, only two of them right. Ouch.

With no further ado, here's how the loser's bracket shapes up:

MAUREEN: Just brutal… there's not much more we can say. We already knew it wasn't going to be a good day for her when she picked the undefeated Colts to lose, or when she picked a one-win St. Louis team to win. The final insult came when two old warhorses—Brett Favre and Kurt Warner—played each other: one played well, the other played terribly. The terrible one just wasn't the one you (or Maureen) expected. Hey, at least there are still only two teams out there with better records than the Vikings.

LINO: We'll give him a pass for picking the Bills over the Jets, but we guess he didn't get the message that the Steelers have been in a tailspin lately. So that's, what… seven weeks in a row that you've lost? And you started out the season with such promise. You should've stayed in Vegas a little longer… you were doing better there.

LOU: When will you learn that the Cowboys are not your friend this year? Or that the Patriots are incapable of winning on the road this year?

So at the risk of repeating ourselves again, that leaves Fr. Rob Keighron and Mark Hart as this week's contenders. Fr. Rob, fresh from Vegas and brilliant as usual, went 3-for-3. Mark is 2-for-2 so far with one game left on Monday night. If the Ravens win, we have another tiebreaker to be settled later in the week. If the Packers win, Fr. Rob wins outright. We'll check in after tomorrow's game with an update, and after that it's sayonara until Thursday.

UPDATE 12/7: The Packers won 27-14 over the Ravens, so Mark Hart misses his pick, and Fr. Rob Keigron is this week's winner!

Lino on "The Catholics Next Door"

Greg and Jennifer Willits checked in with Lino this morning during the last hour of The Catholics Next Door. Click on the audio slideshow above and listen to Lino recap the trip... including stuff that'll be mentioned live on TCGS later today!

TCGS: Broadcasting Live from Venice!

Well, that's sorta true... Lino and crew (and Fr. Rob) are actually broadcasting live from the "Seven Deadly Sins Suite" at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas. If The Catholic Channel can't afford to send you to Italy, go for the next best thing: a scaled-down, compressed version of an Italian city that Lino doesn't really care much for. Hey, at least there's gambling! And we wouldn't bet on Lino being up $16 for very long.

So tune in all this week to hear Lino, Lou, Maureen and Fr. Rob (if he's not busy at the sports book) celebrate the third birthday of The Catholic Guy Show, with pithy commentary from us if/when we deem it necessary. Buon Compleanno, guys!

Programming alert: Vegas, baby!

No live Lino today, as the crew of TCGS and master football picker Father Rob Keighron wing their way toward Sin City for three days of live broadcasts celebrating the show's (and the channel's) third birthday!

In the spirit of Vegas, we are now taking bets as to what episode of TCGS will be replayed this afternoon as today's best-of. Considering recent events, we believe that the show from October 14th is the odds-on favorite.

UPDATE @ 4:00pm ET: And we start the best-of with a beautiful rendition of "Ave Maria". Somewhat un-Catholic-Guy-like, don't you think?

UPDATE @ 4:05pm ET: We transition from "Ave Maria" to some groovin' Gospel music, then get the beginning of the show played over it for a few seconds before going into it full tilt. Anyone who bet on October 21st as today's best-of is a winner! Tell 'em what they won, Lou! Uh, right... nothing.